my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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