I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
