why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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