Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
