I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
