We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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