you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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