Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
