Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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