Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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