Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
