I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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