Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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