that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
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Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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