Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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