She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
