dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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