No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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