We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
