STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
