Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
