stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
