If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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