Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
