he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
