If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
