i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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