It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
