Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
