I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
