i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
