Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
