How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
