Need sex. Gaining weight.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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