he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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