He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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