I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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