Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
