party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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