What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
we're making bets on your personal life
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
