I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
