I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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