she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
