Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
