Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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