i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
