She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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