All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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