that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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