It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
