A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
