I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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