Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Randomize
