Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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