Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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