Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
