He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
