I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
