you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
