i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We had to coat check the pizza.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
