i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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