You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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