She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
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When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
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I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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