you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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