Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
