I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
