The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
