He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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