the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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