foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
