I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
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I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
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I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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