how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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