I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
