Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
