I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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