She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
